Why are we losing our confidence?
Somebody has rightly said, your parents’ money can give you happiness for little time but you have to earn the true confidence to live your life by doing hard work only. We live in a world where we can send any message to a person who is millions of kilometres away in less than a second, in the same world we see many people who don’t even have desire to live, and this desire to live a life is decreasing or dying with each passing moment in human. The biggest reason behind the lack of this desire to live is lack of trust in self and own deeds and karmas.
Let’s try to know what are the reasons that most of us are neither able to believe in ourselves nor in the people of this world:
1) Wrong sense or pattern of parenting –
Just imagine, what would happen, if a bird never lets its child fly, just by having fear that it might fall or die, if a bird does this with its children, can it be called a perfect example of parenting? No, because the bird is paralyzing its own children in the name of parenting.
But is it not something that most parents are unknowingly doing with their children, it is said that the poorest child in this world is the one whom his parents did not let a single decision take by himself and provided him whatever he needed or sought just once but that child become someone who does not believe in himself at all.
When the parents want a rich husband for their daughter, it seems quite okay and common from the regular perspective that parents are doing this because they love their daughter very much but when we look this with the matured and understanding eyes, we come to know that they have very little faith in their daughter’s ability about earning money by herself and fulfil her own needs and that is why they try to connect their daughter through marriage with a human who can fulfil all her desires and needs easily, by the way, all this has started happening so much frequently in our society that we have stopped getting this wrong now. Everyone feels; all is well, but for once, ask your daughter as well whether her confidence from this relationship has increased or decreased.
2) A bad habit of not doing any work with the same dedication from beginning to end –
Self-confidence does not come from starting any work and leaving it unfinished when there are troubles, even doing so will reduce your confidence. If you really want to gain confidence then it will never come from leaving the work half-done or unfinished, but from completing small-small things.
Look back once in your life, all the things that you started but left in the half way due to your laziness, slacking or moody nature are capable enough to break your confidence up to a great extent and on the other side, there are things you found herculean but important and you did not give up and with all your abilities and dedication, you completed the work which was very difficult. The only thing which will fill you with confidence is repeating your habit of not quitting and still continue to give your level best in the difficult but important tasks of your life.
3) Small but wrong habits –
It happens very often at night that you suddenly wake up and you look for a bottle to drink water and then you discover it empty, as you are feeling sleepy so you sleep again and think that you would drink the water when you’d wake up in the morning. It may seem very common to hear this, but when avoiding every uncomfortable thing becomes a part of our behaviour, we start avoiding every little or big thing later. There are many occasions in life when we need complete attention in some work, but our nature does not allow us to do that work with full diligence and gradually we start losing faith in ourselves.
4) The memories of past failures, the worry of future ones –
The biggest incapability of a human mind is that nothing can be erased from there, any moment they live remains in the brain in some way or the other, any memory that may have been passed in the past, be it about giving up on someone or something due to uncomfortability or about any event in which you left it due to the difficulty of that work, both these types of past do not remain with you till the past only but it also affects your present negatively and keeps recalling you your failure. Similarly, such fear will prevent you from doing things in the future as well and will reduce the opportunities which help you in increasing your confidence.
5) Nature of not increasing the understanding –
The biggest problem of most people in the world is that when they are happy, they find it boring or monotonous to increase their understanding about everything and when they are unhappy, their heart and mind remain frustrated enough to understand anything. Confidence comes from understanding things, when you start understanding things happening in life, then you start believing in yourself and this belief will help you in difficult times of life and you will be able to make right decisions even in negative times as well.
So, earning the belief is not something which you can get in a month or two, put all your efforts in figuring out what lessens your belief in yourself and what increases it? Soon you’d be a person of your dreams.
Written by –
Dr. Abhilash Modi
(Teacher, Author and Life-coach)